Final (Official) Review

Today marks the day of Cam's last official in-class review of his comedy blog. I'm imagining him standing in a darkened room, mini-spotlights on himself and a robed and hooded tribunal of judges. Frantically he attempts to justify unforgivable excesses, shameful shortcomings, and another pluralized adjective noun combination. The tribunal is having none of it, their stern indifference reduces all arguments to naught. In desperation he lashes out against the others who stand on trial, hoping that by exposing the atrocities of others he can make his own crimes seem less severe. With only seconds left before judgement is handed down he delivers a spot-on Demetri Martin visual gag: "I wonder how good the spotlight guy is..." he jigs left, fakes right, runs a few steps across the stage with a dear in the headlights expression then settles back to a relaxed posture and expression, "Pretty good," he nods in approval. Unfortunately only I get the joke because Viacom has blocked the video from appearing on youtube. Alas.
And so this chapter draws to a close. In the unlikely event that Cam's blog survives the end of his blogging class I suppose I'll have no choice but to continue as well, but I really don't expect that to be a problem.
Maybe I can finally move on to an earnest diary style blog. I'll post pictures of my cat and quote pop-punk bands that really get what I'm going through.

Almost two weeks

Hard to believe it's been almost two weeks since I said something bad about Cam's blog. Have I perhaps been scared away by the insanely high link density? I can't wait until it reaches critical mass, collapses into a black hole, and sucks the entire internet into itself.
Okay that feels better now, the shakes are passing. In actual news nothing at all has been happening.* I continue to watch the same shows, read the same books, play the same videogames, and skip the same classes. The only that changes is the hypocrisy.





*Strictly speaking this isn't true, it's just that nothing I want to share with the internet has been happening. Unless... unless you want to hear what I had for dinner? My policy is the same as his though.

metacriticism, but not really

So I was going to make today's post a long and elaborately styled criticism of Cam's The Darjeeling Limited review but then I decided against it. The reasons are three-fold. Firstly, Cam already knows what he did wrong, and I'm not feeling cold-hearted enough to beat it to death in the public eye. Secondly, I don't want to invite return criticism from that source or any other. And finally, I'm feeling like ten pounds of shit in a nine pound bag today. I'm in no state to read through that post again and formulate clever and biting remarks about movie criticism in general and Cam in particular.
I must focus all my energies on psychically enhancing my body's immune system to fend off whatever plague my girlfriend infected me with. I don't know how she managed to sneak the black death into my food while I was staying with her, especially since we went out to dinner for 3 out of 4 meals, but rest assured I will be avenged.
I guess I should say something about Darjeeling before I go? Maybe? As soon as Cam and I got home from the movie I asked "So which one of us is going to buy it when it comes out?" 'Nuff said.

Failure is an Artform

So neither Cam nor I are writing novels this month, and I'm okay with that. I've learned something about myself: I don't care about nanowrimo. Screw them for saying that "some day" never comes for people who are going to write a novel some day. I've got to leave myself something to do after I retire/while I'm collecting fraudulent disability cheques and am unable to leave my house. If I go with the second plan I can write, like, three or four novels at least.
None of this is to say I've quit writing now. I've just drastically reduced the pace. At this rate I should finish my current story just before the human race is enslaved by evil cybernetic overlords. Maybe I'll put that in the epilogue. It's long been my dream to write a beautiful, powerful, deep, evocative, choose your own adjective, important work of fiction and then append the words "and it was all a dream" but having it end with a brief chapter on world domination by space-cyborgs might be even more avante-garde.
Also, now that I've made the decision to throw deadlines to the wind I feel much freer and more creative, I'll probably write more now than I would have if my major motivation was to grind Cam into dust, word count-wise.

Bad Math, Worse Writing

So Cam and I are writing awful novels this month. We started yesterday and I don't know about Cam but so far I've only got 255 words of awful prose. I thought I only needed to write 1300 odd words a day in order to make the 50,000 word limit by the deadline but it turns out I'm even further behind than I thought. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say this is all Cam's fault. He's the one who suggested the idea to me in the first place and apparently he can't even divide 50,000 by 30.
But enough bitching, it's time to get proactive on this situation. I need to write three thousand seventy-eight and a third words by tonight in order to stay on schedule. This would be a lot easier to do if I knew what the hell my book was going to be about. So far all I have is two fantastically depressing and completely unrelated character concepts. And I'm not one of those writers who can spend three pages describing the exact shade of the drapes in Lady Witherspindle's drawing room so eventually something has got to actually happen.
Perhaps something will come to me inexplicably and without method. (Okay I can almost never find the clips I want so you should just imagine that some of those words in the previous sentence linked to a clip of Karen Eiffel and Penny Escher in that part in Stranger Than Fiction right after Kay figures out how she's going to kill Harold. Wouldn't that have been awesome?)